Dean: What about my markers? Will I be able to take them on the bus?

Mommy: I’m not really sure sweetheart, I’m kind of new at this.

Dean: No you’re not… you’re old.

[ You are on thin ice bro ]

Mom: You have about 20 minutes left to play before we go meet your new teacher.

Dean: Mooooom!

Mom: It’s a whole thing. They are going to evaluate your abilities.

Dean: Can’t you just do this by yourself?

Mom: Dude. I took a whole day off work for this….

Dean: Still.

[Grabs the fat of my right thigh with both hands and starts squeezing and mashing them together…]

Dean: Whoa Mommy! The muscles in your legs are so big!!! Is that why you eat so much ice cream? They’re huge!! And squishy! Even your bones are squishy!

Mommy: [whispers quietly through gritted teeth] I’m so happy to be a mom, I’m so happy to be a mom, I’m so happy…

 

Dean: Scott is taking a nap.

Mimi: He’s probably tired.

Dean: He’s probably old!