Mommy: I think I am going to regret wearing this jacket. I will probably be too hot.

Dean: [ with all of the seriousness and wisdom of a 4 year old ] Mommy… If you are going to be hot then you shouldn’t wear it.

Mommy: Dude!

Dean: I’m not a dude Mommy! I am your family!!

Mommy: Well you can have watermelon…

Dean: [ Interrupting… and yelling ] I want a treat! I don’t want watermelon! It’s a vegetable!!!!

Daddy: Well it isn’t a vegetable but…

Dean: [ Interrupting again and still yelling ] It is too Daddy! You don’t know everything! ONLY I KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

“Aren’t you going to go get your friends to sing happy birthday to my mom?!” Dean implored when the waiter at St. Francis brought out my birthday treat without the back-up singers that Dean was expecting.

Mommy: Maybe he doesn’t like being kicked in the face.

Dean: Are you sure?

“You know what else is cool mommy? ME!”

Dean: Did you hear my belly talk dad?

Dad: What did it say?

Dean: It says it needs some ice cream.

Mommy: Dean stop hitting me! What do you say?!

Dean: Sorry—but mom this is just how the game goes.

Dean: I’m a lady.

Mommy: Excuse me what?

Dean: I’m a lady so I get to go first.

Dean: Please Mommy?

Mommy: No.

Dean: Please Mommy?!

Mommy: No Dean.

Dean: Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeease?!

Mommy: Not today honey.

Dean: Mom, do you even know what please means? You have to.

Dean: Where’s my red umbrella?

Mommy: I know where my red umbrella is.

Dean: That’s mine!

Mommy: I don’t think so, I bought that umbrella before you were even born.

Dean: That doesn’t matter, it’s my umbrella now.

Dean asked me to help him find a LEGO spaceship this morning that he couldn’t find after looking for 15 minutes. How long did it take me? About 30 seconds…

Dean: Oh thank you for finding my spaceship Mommy!
Mommy: Sometimes it just takes a mommy doesn’t it?
Dean: Yeah. But it’s your job.
Mommy: [incredulously speechless]

Dean: Why are you not going to paint my room?

Mommy: Well what color do you want us to paint it?

Dean: Pink.